debtor_to_mercy_alone's Xanga

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 12:11:08 GMT

i moved into the senior living community.
i like it there.

also, i moved here.

[xanga.com/cinsirk]

Monday, February 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 23:17:08 GMT

i move into the senior living community tomorrow!
and, God-willing, i move into a hostel in oxford june 5(!!!).

i am busybusybusy.
i am persevering.
praise God.

that is all.

(when i say "that is all," what i mean is "that is all i have time for–for which i have time.
there is more. much, much more.
there is the gospel, and everything else. )

now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 18:18:15 GMT

we dont believe the bible.
if we do, why have we not yet sold all our possessions and given to charity? do we not trust the Lord when he tells us we are worth far more than lilies and ravens?

this isnt unclear.
this is no vague promise of blessing.

he says he will care for our every need. and i trust my earthly father more than this. he tells me, "go to england. i will make sure you have what you need." and so i make plans to go. with nothing more than his word to support me. and my friend says, "come with me to lunch. dont worry about money, ive got it covered." and though there is no money in my pocket, i go. and i never doubt i will have enough.

but when my Father says, "go, sell your possessions and give to charity" and "do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat; nor for your body, as to what you will put on." i am silent. i am still.

i do nothing.

and when you confront me, ill say, "that is for the rich man. the man who loves his money."

but what i mean in my heart is: i need my money more than i need God. my money can provide for me far better than my God. i have found my security.

we do not believe.
i do not belive.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 00:51:09 GMT

so ive decided i want to be editor of time magazine when i grow up.

(no one can accuse me of not setting goals.)

Monday, February 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 06:24:33 GMT

here is the perseverance of the saints who keep the commandments of God and their faith in Jesus.

salvation is not a charm we wear around our soul.
the sinners prayer is no incantation to save us from hell.

the perseverance of the saints is about persevering.
and im not sure im persevering.
ive been sinning.
and ive been enjoying sin too much to give it up.

the grace that gets me in the the grace that pushes me on.

but i think what im learning is to keep pressing on. persevering leaves no room for standing still. this faith is an active faith. there is no resting place. we are either actively with him, or we are against him. standing still isnt safe. theres no such thing as neutral.

he who is not with me is against me; and he who does not gather with me, scatters.

it hit me hard that morning. i had always read that verse the other way around: those who arent against me are with me. it was a nice safety net for my spiritual apathy. but thats not how it is. thats not what hes saying.

like naomi said:
there is no spiritual switzerland.

and there is practical in this.
there is the need to persevere.

and a friend asked me what exactly it is i think i need.

i need to be caught up in things that are real.
in reading and knowing and studying holy scripture.
in praying.
in loving.
in feeding widows and orphans.
in learning how to be the best photographer and writer i can be, for the glory of God and for the furthering of his kingdom.

and i want to persevere.
to keep the commandments of God and my faith in Jesus.

ive been sinning.
and ive been enjoying sin too much to give it up.
but i think i am finally reaching the point where im beginning to try to give up the sins i enjoy.

im sinning.
im falling.
but im persevering.
and the salvation charm is only weighing me down.

from the sermon notes of caleb salazar,
11 september 2005:

we must try to be better.

and we must trust that he is good enough.

trust and obey
for theres no other way

that is the truth.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 21:54:23 GMT

and He was casting out a demon, and it was mute; when the demon had gone out, the mute man spoke; and the crowds were amazed. but some of them said, "He casts out demons by beelzebul, the ruler of the demons."

others, to test Him, were demanding of him a sign from heaven.

but He knew their thoughts and said to them, "any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and a house divided against itself falls. if satan also is divided against himself, how will his kingdom stand? for you say that i cast out demons by beelzebul and if i by beelzebul cast out demons, by whom do your sons cast them out? so they will be your judges.

"but if i cast out demons by the finger of God, then the kingdom of God has come upon you.

"when a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are undisturbed. but when someone stronger than he attacks him and overpowers him, he takes away from him all his armor on which he had relied and distributes his plunder.

"he who is not with Me is against Me; and he who does not gather with Me, scatters.

"when the unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and not finding any, it says, 'i will return to my house from which i came. and when it comes, it finds it swept and put in order. then it goes and takes along seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they go in and live there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first."

while Jesus was saying these things, one of the women in the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, "blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which You nursed."

but He said, "On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it."

there is no spiritual switzerland.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 14:07:59 GMT

so this is what ive been doing the last twenty-one days.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 23:53:07 GMT

this space is reserved.
words or images, yall?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 02:47:36 GMT

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 16:13:19 GMT

listen, and be careful to do it.
do you diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God, and his testimonies and his statutes which he has commanded you?
or do you just assume its going to happen?
listen.
and be careful to do it.
that is what he has commanded. those are his words.
listen.
and be careful to do it.
we are called to a careful obedience.
we are called to a deliberate obedience.

but me?
i just live
and breathe
and wait for it to happen.
wait for my faith to appear with the passing years.
“ill be better someday. no need to worry too much about it.”
but he says,
listen.
and be careful to do it.

we are called to a careful obedience.
but our fear is of legalism
so we refuse.
we dont listen, and be careful to do it.
we say
“we have grace
and we dont need to listen and be careful to do it.
a careful obedience was for them, not for us.”
we are under grace, you know. and here, we have traded the fear of God, for the fear of legalism.
if all our knowledge of God does not affect the way we live
it is not a right understanding.
we dont know God.
because the essence of biblical faith is to fear God and keep his commandments.
and we forget–we choose to forget–that he knows our every thought and word and deed and attitude of our heart. he knows we are playing games and he knows our deceit.
and he knows our unbelief.

true christianity requires obedience.
calvin said
“to know God is to honor him”
not
“to know God leads to honoring him.”

“to know God is to honor him”
but–praise God–the new covenant will not break. but it will not break not only because God keeps his word, but because he says his people will.
“moreover, i will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and i will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. i will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statutes, and you will be careful to observe my ordinances.”

he is faithful
and our covenant is built on his faithfulness.
and we have God in us.
God.
in us.
and he promises we will be faithful.
and the covenant will not break.
"for i the LORD do not change; therefore you, o sons of jacob, are not consumed."

so we pray.
we pray:
we know we are righteous in your sight
but we long to be righteous indeed.
and we long for something real.
we long for a real communion.
we long for a Bridegroom of flesh and blood.
we long for a Bridegroom we can hold.
and we long for the day when we will see him and worship him as we ought.
but until that day
we must be faithful.
we must
listen.
and be careful to do it

and i
i am the unfaithful bride.
i am the unfaithful bride who doesnt even believe in the Bridegroom.

walk into the church.
do you see a people that fears God?
there we are: singing and praying and reading and saying.
but there is no God.
the God of abraham isnt in our choruses of praise.
where is the God of sodom and gomorrah?
where is the burning bush and the voice like thunder?
where is the holy?
we are not worshipping a God whose name is jealous.
we are not in the presence of a consuming fire.

our god is our homeboy.
he is safe and cuddly and makes us feel good inside.
does the church believe in God?
they don't.
i don't.
we cannot worship in spirit and in truth.
because we have made a god out of our lies.
our god is so nice.

but we must base our understanding of God on his revelation of himself
and nothing else.
he is real.
he is not safe. he is to be feared; he is to be feared above all other gods.
do we serve him in sincerity and truth as we were commanded?
"now then let the fear of the LORD be upon you; be very careful what you do, for the LORD our God will have no part in unrighteousness or partiality or the taking of a bribe."

he has made us his people, and he is our God.
for this reason, we must,
we must:
listen.
and be careful to do it.